Friday 8-29-08

Well, last night was a rough one. Mom was having a TOUGH time trying to breathe and was just super scared. So, I sat up with her...all night. I think she probably slept about an hour total. Needless to say, I was a wee bit tired today. However, I know God helped keep me awake all night...so mom could be more comfortable. I went into work today for the morning, then took the afternoon off...and slept! [sleep never felt so good!] I'll more than likely do the same again tonight...just what you do for your parents, esp when they need you so bad. However, we're all so tired...mom included...not sure how much longer we can all keep going like this.

Ben, Cortney and Caleb came over tonight with dinner...thanks again guys!! I was sleeping when they arrived, but heard the pitter patter of Caleb's cute little feet and came upstairs. He's such a ball of energy, and makes mom smile so much! After awhile, we got mom up and in her chair! She hasn't been in there for a few days, and I'm sure it helped her poor seat to change positions. She lasted for a few hours, then needed to get back into bed. Mom, Arlene, and I sat and watched part of a movie, helping mom keep her mind off of being so uncomfortable. Mom and I always loved our movie times together...though usually I would try and curl up in her lap! [yeah...mom's 5'2"...I'm 5'10"...it was adorable!! =)] I miss those days!!

~~I'm sitting in mom's room, watching her drift off to sleep. She told me to go sleep, 'cause that's what she was going to do [Well, she didn't use so many words as she can't anymore, but she did get that general point across]. After many, many hugs and kisses, I told her I'd go downstairs once she was asleep...now I am sitting here, watching her breathing...which is much slower and more shallow. Before mom went to sleep, I told her to meet me in dream land! We decided to each dream of riding horses...I picked that we do it in Ireland! =) I like to think that we can always meet each other in our dreams...how I love this lady so and thank God daily for the kid of mom he gave me!

Mom's good friends stopped by yesterday, and it didn't take too long before mom was talking about heaven. Mom has an incredible faith, and she knows without a shadow of a doubt, where she is going soon. She's said to me before she'd like to stay here with us kids, but not in her current condition. So, since God isn't going to heal her here on earth, she is so looking forward to heaven...and being able to walk, run, sing, talk again {plus so much more!}. She is ready to go...and not be so miserable here anymore...we're just waiting to see when God takes her home. I'm continually amazed at her strength, but she's always reminding me...it isn't HER strength at all, but GOD'S in her. That makes sense, as I'm not sure any of us could still be doing this without our heavenly father holding us up. However...I'm not feeling very "held up" at the moment! =) [At least you can always count on honesty from me!] She is such an amazing woman...who has taught us all so much. What a gift she has been to SO many!!

I have been asked now by 4 people how we can keep having a faith after all of this. And, don't I wonder why bad things happen to such good people? All I can say, is that of course I wonder! I have had some HUGE questions running through my head, all pretty normal. However, I know that all things happen for a reason...I just don't know what that reason is. And, I might never know the reason. I strongly suggest the book "The Case for Faith" by Lee Strobel. I might come across as strong and having all this "put together," but I'm struggling here... This book addresses a lot of things that I have recently been asked about, and is one of mom's favorites! She always had multiple copies, to give out to people who asked the kind of questions I have been asked recently. I recently read in a novel mom gave me that when faith appears to be being tested, it's like working out; we have to work out to keep our bodies in shape, and there are times when God allows bad things to happen to "test" our faith...to help keep it "in shape." I agree with this, however would like to add...that this 'working out stuff' kinda stinks! =)

Well, I should probably wrap this up and try to sleep. It's after 1 AM and tomorrow is going to be a long day...no help for Arlene and I during the day. It's just so incredibly hard to walk away from mom's room, knowing it might be the last time I see her in here. It might not be, but what if.... So, getting me to leave is pretty tough sometimes! It's probably a good thing that I'm so tired myself.

"Please, dear Lord...keep my mommy safe tonight...and let Your will be done. [though I would personally love to see her not struggle so much to breathe!..but....YOUR will...]"

I pray you all have a good Saturday with those you love!